Today, I attended an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting as an assignment for school. The topic today was 'anger' and it really struck something with me. I was fidgety, restless, daydreaming and ready for the meeting to be over when a man was called on to speak about his experience with anger. He had been sober since 2003, and 11 years before that. He said he had an angry episode last night - with his wife. He had relayed to her that they needed to be more open; she needed to speak her mind and vice versa. Well, she spoke her mind and he got pissed off about whatever it was. He then went on to say a pretty cliche bunch of words... but its refreshing to hear it from someone you feel really means it and knows the depth of his thoughts. He had spent this much of his life living this way: addicted, angry and downright grouchy, but now he didn't want to waste one more minute of his life from now on upset.
What he said is true... anger for some of us really is like a poison. I don't yell, fight, or externalize my anger whatsoever. I keep it inside, which in turn poisons my body and the relationships around me. It is purely a physical reaction that overtakes me when I am truly fired up that much. I shake, I get flushed, I can't verbalize my thoughts, and usually I run away. He then said something that really hit home for me. "If you can learn to make amends right away, it's a beautiful thing."
In more circumstances than not, our anger is a direct result of us trying to defend ourselves because we know we are wrong. Another man mentioned writing a letter to a cable company about their service he was dissatisfied with. He didn't send it right away and re-read it in the morning. He told us he would have been mortified if he had sent that letter. It was wrong, selfish and he was taking out pent up anger about various aspects of his life on his cable company. This holds true to many episodes of anger, whether it be the wrong order at a restaurant or your spouse walking out on you. Our anger is secondary - it is used to cover up our most vulnerable of feelings. Step back and take a look at how 'justified' your anger really is, and make amends as soon as you can.
As I was walking out of the church, I said to my friend how beneficial I found the meeting to be. I would love to attend another one. Before I arrived, I was at Barnes and Noble reading a book called "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan. What I couldn't stop thinking about after I left was a line I had read from the introduction - and although taken way out of context, it applied. He said, "I also believe that the Spirit is more obviously active in places where people are desperate for Him, humbled before Him, and not distracted by their pursuit of wealth or comforts." Although here Chan is speaking of something entirely different, I couldn't help but notice how throughout my life I have seen the most disheveled, lost individuals be the most inspirational and fruitful. These individuals, through their daily life struggles and battles, have allowed, either knowingly or unknowingly, their hearts to be opened up to the Holy Spirit and allowed Him to work through them to help others. We, of course, are all flawed and struggle with our own battles daily whether it be addiction, mental upset, or cursing your boss under your breath at work every day. The key to this is admitting it to yourself and others, and giving 100% of yourself to Him. It's then that you will find how much easier our battles get.
